


robber lover killer king

by mushydesserts



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Dark Humor, Fluff, Gen, Implied Violence, M/M, Protective Gladio, Protective bros, i swear it's less upsetting than it sounds, implied dubious consent, it's noctis, noctis is oblivious, oblivious narrator, protective ignis, protective prompto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-01 02:25:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11476632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushydesserts/pseuds/mushydesserts
Summary: Prompto was sitting on a concrete barrier nearby, cleaning his camera lens. He looked up as Noctis approached. "Got what we need?" he said, tone neutral.Noctis shrugged, puzzled. "No luck. Shop's closed." He looked back over his shoulder. "Apparently some kid robbed them blind just a while ago. They're still sorting things out."Prompto tapped his foot, ducking and adjusting a dial. "Huh. That's weird. It was open when I went yesterday," he said.(The bros, unbeknownst to Noct, sometimes have to do some less-than-wholesome things for his sake. Kinkmeme fill, complete.)





	1. Prompto

**Author's Note:**

> For [this prompt](https://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/3892.html?thread=5096756#cmt5096756) about the bros willingly doing dirty work for Noct's sake, and Noct remaining oblivious to it. These idiots are sweethearts, and I love them all.

 

"Do we really have to? I mean, do we?"

Noctis frowned at Prompto. The blond sure was dragging his feet a lot for someone who'd spent most of the day whining about wanting to see civilization. "I thought you loved shopping," Noctis said.

"I do! I just went yesterday! Remember?" Prompto tapped his fingers on his thigh, a little more wired than usual. Maybe they shouldn't have let him finish off that coffee this morning. "I bought like, five tonnes of energy drinks. Snacks? Detergent? I even bought first aid kits!"

"Yeah," Noctis pointed out, "But we're looking for motor oil."

The Regalia wasn't really built for as much off-roading as they'd been doing lately. They'd been in town just the day before. But they'd went off for an overnight hunt in the Vesperpool, camped, and then decided to head back when the Regalia had started making... noises. Protesting noises. They hadn't been planning to double back, but better safe than sorry, even if it'd add a bit to their travel time.

"Can't it wait until we get back to Cindy?" Prompto whined.

Noctis snorted. Prompto's thing for Cindy had survived that last photo op catastrophe, then. Some things never changed. "Yeah. I think we've bothered Cindy enough for a while."

Prompto sighed deeply and fiddled with his camera lens. "Fine, whatever. I'll just be off taking photos of the local wildlife then."

Noctis glanced at Prompto.

Ignis and Gladio were off trying to get tips from the local diner, and hadn't seemed overly concerned with Prompto's uncharacteristic moping. But after spending all of high school with Prompto, Noctis knew his moods better than the other two did. He could tell something was up. He just wasn't sure what it was.

"Sulk any louder and you'll scare the monsters off before you get a shot in," he said.

"Then I'll just... snap the plants," Prompto said, disheartened. "Greenery. Yay." He slinked off.

Noctis frowned after him, then shook himself. He could worry about it after stocking up.

The Regalia's keys jingled as he put them into his pocket. He shaded his eyes and looked down the sparse row of buildings to the left. Not many people were around the outpost today; taking advantage of the rare break in the rain to head out, he guessed. He made his way back up the lane to where he remembered the hunters' shop being, following the signposts and the telltale scent of leather and smoke.

As he neared the entrance, his steps faltered.

This was definitely the shop. Biggest one for miles around, as the billboard outside proudly proclaimed. But the blinds were drawn. The door was shut, no signage. Nobody was out on the covered porch, and the whole shop looked dark. Was it closed?

Noctis checked his phone. It was still midday — what shop closed this early? Maybe they were on lunch break. He plodded up the steps, shoes echoing on the wood, and craned his neck, trying to peer into the window past the lace curtains.

"Ain't open today," someone said from behind him.

Noctis turned.

A hunter, from the looks of him, was hauling a box of garula tusks down the lane towards his pickup truck. He'd stopped, apparently taking pity on the lost-looking kid with his face pressed against the store windows. Noctis straightened up guiltily and tried to look less like a grimy puppy.

"Oh," Noctis said. "When's it open?"

The hunter shrugged, shifting the crate against his hip. "Usually? Now. Dunno when they're coming back, though. Some guy stuck up the joint yesterday."

Noctis blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Yeah. Took all their cash, half their stock, scared the living daylights out of the gal at the till. Took off."

"No," Noctis said. Seriously? This place? Someone robbed _this place?_ Then again, it was probably pretty slim pickings for any sort of thief this far out. "A hunter?"

The hunter grimaced. "Nobody got a good look at him. Figured he was working alone."

"Wow," Noctis said, at a loss for words. He scratched the back of his head. Well. "Shit." And they'd just been by. It must have been a narrow miss.

"I'll say. You'd think people'd have some decency, with how hard-up everybody is around here, but kids these days just take and run." The hunter grunted dismissively. "'Least nobody got hurt. That's a blessin'."

"Guess it is," Noctis said, awkward.

The hunter jerked his head towards the road. "You want another shop, there's a place six miles out thataway. They might be able to help ya. Basics only, mind you, but they got what most travellers need."

"Thanks," Noctis said. The hunter nodded and continued on his way.

By the time Noctis made it back, Gladio and Ignis were pouring over a paper map spread out on the hood of the car. Prompto was sitting on a concrete barrier nearby, cleaning his camera lens. He looked up as Noctis approached.

"Got what we need?" he said, tone neutral.

Noctis shrugged, puzzled. "No luck. Shop's closed." He looked back over his shoulder. "Apparently some kid robbed them blind just a while ago. They're still sorting things out."

Gladio and Ignis looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

Prompto tapped his foot, ducking and adjusting a dial. "Huh. That's weird. It was open when I went yesterday," he said.

"Yeah," Noctis said. "Guess you had good timing."

"Sure did." Prompto blew out a breath. "So what's next?"

"There's another shop at the next outpost," Noctis said, getting back in the driver's side. "Shouldn't be too far out west."

Prompto leapt up. "Calling shotgun," he said immediately.

Noctis rolled his eyes. "Do you ever _not_ sit up front?"

Prompto grinned. "Dude, it doesn't count if I don't _call_ it," he explained patiently, sliding into the passenger's seat.

Gladio stretched. "Let's get out of here, then," he said, folding up the map.

 


	2. Gladio

 

"Oh, gods," Noctis moaned once he got in the door, and dived immediately onto the hotel bed.

He let out a drawn-out sound of pleasure as he stretched out on the enormous mattress, thick wide, soft enough that he nearly disappeared into it. He wriggled around, rucking up the airy sheets and down quilt, flopping against the ornate wooden headboard. "Oh, gods."

"Huh. Don't hold back," Gladio said, deadpan from the door. He flipped the keycard up into the air and caught it again between two fingers, mouth curved.

Prompto was next through the door, and made good on his long-standing promise by taking a flying leap onto the other bed between the canopy drapes, narrowly missing the elaborate lamp on the bedside table. "Mnnhhh," Prompto said, face buried in one of its six fluffy pillows. Ignis strolled in last, unbuttoning his cuffs, and — after giving Prompto a wry look — opted to sink into one of the plush armchairs nearby the stone fireplace in the lounge area instead.

Noct spread out his limbs and basked in the bliss of their first _real bed_ in what could have been an age. And not just a _real_ bed. A _real hotel bed. A Real Hotel bed._  He let out a sigh of delight, and then shifted the bare minimum amount that would allow him to blink dreamily at Gladio.

Gladio was still leaning against the doorframe, surveying the digs proudly. Noctis pulled the pile of pillows up so that he could flop back onto them. He spoke, words already coming out slurred. "So. Spill. How'd you swing this?"

This establishment, as they'd all known, was one of the _best hotels_ on the continent west of Leide. With the fall of Insomnia, it might well be one of the best hotels on the continent, period. The place was exorbitantly expensive, booked full weeks in advance, and usually catered only to clientele who were rich enough to be hated by the majority of the rest of the country.

As Crown Prince, Noctis might've fallen into that class of people, once upon a time. These days, they were lucky to scrape together enough pocket change for gas.

Which is why when Gladio had come back from his look around town and thrown the voucher for a night's stay down on the diner table between them, they hadn't even questioned it. They'd just shot off for the lobby. They'd been half-expecting the reception staff to explain that _no, apologies, the voucher wasn't valid_ while surreptitiously signalling for security, but it'd passed muster by some miracle, and here they were, getting peasant dust all over the million-thread-count sheets.

Gladio quirked an eyebrow. "Told ya. I know people."

"People who could grab you a suite in this place on zero notice?" Prompto said, pulling his head out of the pillows momentarily. He sucked in a breath. "Can _I_ know these people?" He dived back down, happily trying to suffocate himself.

"Okay. For real," Noctis said. "Why haven't we done this before?" They'd been camping in the woods for weeks. They'd had fights over _toilet paper._ Noctis had resorted to sleeping on a pile of clothes at night so that his spine would stop killing him.

"Ha," Gladio said. "There's only so many favors us mere mortals can call in, your Highness. Enjoy this one while you can."

"Oh, I will," Noctis said. He kicked his legs out, and heard his ankles crack. Astrals. That was good.

"We all shall, I expect," Ignis said, skimming through the room service menu on the glass coffee table. "Any preferences for dinner?"

Prompto's head shot up. "Is it extra? Tell me room service isn't extra," he pleaded.

"One meal included," Gladio said, slinging his jacket over his shoulder. "Said it on the voucher."

"Oh _man,_ " Prompto said. He leapt up from the bed. "So like, how many courses can a meal be? Can we order an entree for an appetizer? Can we order an entree for dessert? For a side? I was thinking..."

Noctis watched Prompto and Ignis bicker over the menu in the firelight, warm and hazy and pleased, before he realized Gladio wasn't joining in. In fact, Gladio was still hovering around the door, watching the other two.

Noctis sat up a little. He waved. "Hey. You okay?"

Gladio glanced back at him, as if realizing he was still there for the first time. "Sure," he said. "You guys enjoy. Save me something good."

Noctis sat up all the way. His brow furrowed. "What? Are you taking off?"

"Ain't gonna get lost, if you're worried," Gladio said. "Yeah."

"Again?" Noctis floundered. Sure, it wasn't like he was in charge of his Crownsguards' personal lives — all of them took a night off from time to time. Prompto would get a blush whenever he disappeared for an evening; Specs had an occasional _arrangement_ or _appointment,_ and none of the rest of them was ever sure whether he meant it like he was going to get his teeth cleaned, or like he was going to get utterly fucked up. He never let on. It wasn't like Gladio was the only one.

"What?" Gladio shrugged easily. "Thought you'd appreciate having the whole bed for a night, seeing as your back's still shot from that mess down in the mines."

Ah. Noctis flopped over again. "I get it," he said. "So this is a bribe. I see how it is."

Gladio grinned. "Stretch out, Princess." He reached out to ruffle Noctis's hair. Noctis let him, just this once.

Gladio gathered his things and waved to the others, who waved back. "Call if you need me," Gladio said over his shoulder on his way out the door.  

"Will do," Noctis yawned. By the time Prompto and Ignis had decided on a set of dishes, he had already dozed off.

 

Noctis spent the night stretched out like a fish, sleeping soundly. He was the last one to wake as always, and Prompto was out for a morning jog, Ignis in the shower, when Gladio returned. He opened the door and slipped back in as if nothing had happened.

"Good night?" Noctis drawled drowsily. Gladio looked kind of embarrassed to be caught. Noctis continued, "I know _I_ sure had one."

Gladio cuffed him on the head as he passed.

 

Later that day, Noctis would frown and lean forward to prod the marks on Gladio's wrists in the back of the Regalia. "What are those?"

Gladio would glance down at the bruises. He'd pull his arm away. "A good time," he'd say, slight smirk.

Noctis would try not to look too dubious or impressed.

He'd let Gladio nap through the afternoon drive without disruptions, anyway. He figured he owed him that, at least.

 


	3. Ignis

 

"Sir? Excuse me?"

The old man sitting on the dinky porch barely looked up from the bit of scrap metal he was fiddling with. Noctis scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. Gladio shifted impatiently behind him. Ignis and Prompto were a respectful distance down the lane, trying not to crowd the cabin.

"Hello?" No response.

Noctis decided to just push ahead. The man clearly knew they were there. Maybe he was hard of hearing.

He cleared his throat and raised his voice. "Sir? We were uh, we've been looking for a... we heard that there was... a tomb? Nearby... someone mentioned that uh, you might know..."

The man didn't react, continuing to work the back of the scrap with a hammer. The dull thudding threatened to drown Noctis's plea out. Noctis cringed. He couldn't remember feeling this small since — well, forever, pretty much. Maybe since the last time he'd had Ravus Nox Fleuret looking down his nose at him.

"We need to uh... we were hoping to document... for a project..."

They had an official story, but Noctis wondered if it even mattered. The man didn't seem very interested in whatever they were doing. Bugs buzzed around them in the morning heat, stink of mud rising in the air. Gladio exhaled painfully. Noctis could tell he wanted to take over this conversation, but wouldn't unless Noctis really couldn't handle it.

Which he _could_. The Royal Tombs were his responsibility.

They'd been in the area for three days already, visiting settlements and talking to people, scoping out derelict farmlands, staying in caravans or camping nearby during the night. Rumor was that there was a tomb nearby, but they hadn't managed to track down _where,_ exactly; the tips so far had been vague at best. The stories were consistent enough that they weren't willing to write them off as a local myth, but this far out, there weren't that many landmarks. Just endless flat fields full of junk and boulders, and patchy forests half-mowed for wood, and abandoned strips of tiny shacks, barns and watering holes full of coeurls and hundlegs.

After stopping by a series of progressively-smaller shops along the side of the road, they'd been referred to a tipster down this lane who knew the area well. "He ain't one to talk much," the last shopkeep had allowed, "but if anybody'd know, it'd be him."

Ain't one to talk much. That hadn't been an exaggeration.

They'd trekked their way out this far anyway, a good hour outside of anywhere you could call populated. The lane had taken a good twenty minutes to traverse, their chocobo rental having run out a day earlier. Noctis got the feeling they weren't welcome, but they weren't about to leave and come back later. Who knew if they'd even catch the man again?

The man who, now they'd found him, still refused to acknowledge them in any way. Noctis took a breath.

"So. If you could point it out for us, you know, we'd be real grateful," Noctis finished lamely.

"Who wants to know?"

Noctis nearly jumped.

The man looked up at last. There was a pipe jammed between his lips, and his eyes were old, blue, cold; his whiskery mouth was turned into an unreadable scowl.

"We're..." Noctis trailed off. "Tourists."

"From the Crown City, huh."

Their accents. Their accents must've given them away. "Well, around there," Noctis lied.

He saw the man scan them from head to toe, and Noctis got the sinking, dreadful feeling that this man _knew,_ despite their civilian gear, despite the dust on their boots and the burns on their skin.

"Ain't telling you folk shit," the man said.

Noctis tensed. "I'm sorr — "

"Y'ain't tourists anymore now, are ya? With nowhere t'go back," the man said. Noctis felt Gladio reach for a weapon behind him. The man continued. "And those two back there ain't even Lucian, are they?"

Ignis and Prompto. Fuck. Noctis was suddenly glad they'd hung back. He wondered, slightly hollow, if they'd known this was going to happen.

"And you two," he spat. "Ain't like none of y'all gave a shit about us before. Why should I tell y'all anythin'?"

Noctis licked his lips. "Look, we'll be out of your way — "

"Well, get on, then!"

" — if you just tell us," Noctis said. Gladio still had his hand on his sword.

The man looked between the two of them. Noctis could feel the dismissal in his gaze. The man spat his pipe out, flicked some ash on the ground.

"You don't scare me." His eyes gleamed. "Now you're just like the rest of us out here, starvin' an' dyin'. Good fuckin' riddance."

Noctis took a step back.

"You gonna stay around until Niffs get ya?" the man said. "Maybe they got the right idea."

Noctis swallowed.

"It's my property. _Get off,"_ the man snarled, and royal blood be damned, Noctis turned and nearly ran.

 

Prompto was pale, freckles standing out on his nose. "We couldn't pay him or something?"

"Even if we had the money for that, I don't think this guy's the type," Gladio said, voice tight.

Ignis paced up and down the patch of grass outside the grove. He looked thoughtfully back down the shadowed lane. "Not all that surprising he wasn't willing to divulge," he said. "Around these parts, not everybody is friendly to strangers. Frankly, we've been lucky so far."

The man had been so calm, so unthreatened. Noctis didn't want to think about what method of self-defense he'd been hiding in the house.

"There's gotta be someone else around here willing to talk," Noctis said. He was still a little queasy, and the only thing that stopped him from feeling guilty about the whole mess was that even Gladio seemed a bit shaken.

Prompto hopped off the boulder he was sitting on. "Yeah! We don't need to convince everybody. Just... one person. There's gotta be someone else who knows." He sounded hopeful.

"Of course," Ignis said. "There should be other leads. We must merely persist."

 

There weren't.

They trudged on down the dirt road, but sightings of people or inhabited buildings seemed sparser and sparser the further they got. They found themselves cutting through a field once they reached a fenced-off bluff, hacking away at the weeds and occasional killer bees. Within a couple hours after noon, Noctis could tell this wasn't working out.

"We should cut back," he said, dipping his hand into a tiny brook. Nearby, Prompto was splashing his face. Gladio had soaked his entire shirt, and was wringing it out to sling over his shoulders.

"Yeah. Don't want to wander too far from camp," Prompto said. They'd set up at a good spot near a pond the night before, and it didn't look like there was going to be another haven around here.

Ignis tried his phone for reception; no luck, to none of their surprise. Noctis unfolded the creased map, criss-crossed with red pencil marks. They'd sketched out a route, marked off likely areas, shaded out the ones they'd already tried. They had noted down a few landmarks, but everything had really started to look the same.

There was still a lot of ground to cover. Too much ground. There wasn't a chocobo post anywhere nearby, either, and covering it all on foot was a daunting prospect, even without taking the daemons and all the wild creatures into account. It didn't help that the sun seemed to set earlier here than it did out east, cutting their searches short so they could look for a place to camp each night. They could always go back to the last place camped, but that limited their progress considerably.

They'd tried spending a night in an abandoned barn exactly once. It wasn't an experience Noctis was eager to repeat.

Noctis frowned at the map, rubbing the bridge of his nose. If they just had an idea of where it was — it could be underground, or under water, or —

There was a chill in the air. Noctis had a moment of warning before he heard the mutter.

"Noct, overhead!"

Prompto shoved Noctis's head down into the bushes, hand on the back of his neck. Noctis fought for just a split second before his instincts kicked in and he went still.

"Airship," Prompto whispered, mouth moving but sound barely audible, eyes wide, just inches from Noctis' own. Somewhere behind them, Noctis caught the ever-so-faint glimmer of Ignis's daggers, and he felt the Armiger pulse, a shield being drawn halfway to the air.

Noctis couldn't tell how long they spent hiding in the grass, sweat cooling down the back of his shirt, grass pricking his knees, Prompto unnaturally still next to him. The map was a crushed mass beneath him. He held his breath, magic between his fingertips, just a spark, just in case.

By the time Ignis gave the all-clear and Prompto let go of his collar, Noctis was exhausted. It felt like it'd been hours. They dropped their weapons back into the ether and stood on shaky limbs.

Gladio stretched his arm. "We've been around too long," he said grimly.

Nobody suggested that they give up.

 

They made it back to the campsite by mid-afternoon. Their gear was still up, thankfully — not that it'd be likely to be stolen this far out, but it was a relief they didn't have to set up again. Ignis dug through the trunk of the Regalia for food, but even the nonperishables were running low, pasta and rice together barely enough to feed four.

"There are arba around," Gladio pointed out. "Ain't exactly anak meat, but..."

Ignis shut the trunk, uncharacteristically curt. "Hunting may draw Imperial attention," he said. "Especially large game."

"Well," Prompto said, pulling off a boot and cheerily emptying grass bits out of it. "Time to fish us up a dinner, Noct!"

Noctis winced. He wasn't one to turn down an offer to fish, but at this fishing hole? He'd be lucky to get a couple tadpoles, and the pressure wasn't pleasant.

Ignis turned his face towards the last settlement with a weary sigh. He stripped off his gloves. "I'll try to find ingredients around town, and news while I'm at it," he said.

Prompto called up his machinery and started to dismantle it for cleaning as they settled in. Noctis shook out a bag of bait, summoned a rod and started to respool it. Hopefully, the fish were liable to bite before evening. He didn't have high hopes.

Gladio looked up from where he was reorganizing their inventory on the rock as Ignis passed by on his way to town.

"Want me to come?" Gladio called. His voice was strangely measured.

Ignis waved a hand, not looking back. "You stay," he said.

 

Four hours and two fish later, Prompto looked up, using his legs to launch himself into a sitting position from where he'd been lying in the nearby grass.

"He's back," Prompto said.

Noctis and Gladio looked up.

Ignis was indeed returning. In his arms he had one large paper bag, leafy vegetables and leeks peeking out the top. Another basket, balanced on his hip, looked to be full of spices and jars.

Prompto was off immediately to help with the bag. He staggered under the weight of it briefly as Ignis shifted it to him, and juggled a can that fell out the top. Ignis smiled, affectionate, and set the basket down.

He reached into his blazer and drew something else out of the inner pocket. He set it on the camp table.

A map.

Gladio was already standing by the table and picking it up for a better look. Noctis dismissed the fishing rod and dragged the cooler back up to the rock.

"Southwest of town, close to the border," Ignis was saying. "There's a grove beyond the break in the fence."

Gladio studied the map closer. "Huh. Good to know what we're looking for," he said. "It's a place to start."

"Didn't we think that place was probably a pond?" Prompto said, spilling vegetables onto a camp chair.

"During the winter and the springtime, yes, but it dries up this time of year, thus the 'disappearing tomb' legend," Ignis said.

Noctis took the map from Gladio.

The paper was crisp, a perfect 'x' markered onto the spot in question. The quickest route had been traced from their campsite to the location, with a detour marked out as well. Nearby, there were tiny circles peppered across the grid, indicating places of interest.

"Wow," Noctis said. There was a goldmine of information here. It might've been a tourism brochure if he didn't know better.

Prompto grinned. "We're finally gettin' somewhere, huh?" He heaved a sigh of relief. "I was _not_ looking forward to another week of this."

"We wouldn't have had a week to waste," Noctis said absently. "Iggy, where'd you get this?"

"The townfolk were right," Ignis said. "The tipster up the road. He used to work as a well-driller. He knew the stories, but more importantly, the terrain."

The tipster they'd met that morning?

Noctis thought about the cold-eyed old man up at the cabin, surrounded by smoke and animal bones and rusted scrap metal. He thought of the man's bitter sneer. Ignis was fearless, yes, but Noctis remembered the derision in the man's voice. _Ain't even Lucian, are they?_

Noctis shivered. He'd thought it was a lost cause. Trust Ignis to go back for a second try.

Gladio grinned and clapped Ignis on the shoulder. "C'mon. Prom and I can cook tonight," he said. "You've done enough." Ignis inclined his head gratefully, and started to strip off his blazer.

Noctis ducked and set down the cooler with his catch. He spoke more quietly. "How'd you get him to talk?"

Behind them, Prompto was busy unpacking the utensils and cookware. Ignis's fingers twitched, and in the periphery, Noctis caught Gladio pausing, gaze going sharp for just a second.

Ignis glanced at Noctis, and something warm came into his eyes. Noctis thought it might be a trick of the light against his glasses. He wasn't sure what else to make of it.

"Noct, I've told you many times," Ignis said. His mouth relaxed, fond, amused at last. "Manners will get you far in the world."

A faint huff and smile came to Noctis' lips in response.

"Only you, Specs," he said.

 

 

( everything in the bag, the masked boy said softly, silver barrel of the pistol a mere inch from her forehead )

( licked his finger lazily before picking the slip of paper up off the counter. well, he allowed with a smile, guess they can spare me for one night )

( eyes were green without the glasses, cold, hair coming loose and smear of blood on his cheek as he advanced, saying I promise you, you will not be missed )

 

( you guys

are the best. )

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> _I'D ROB AND I'D KILL_  
>  TO KEEP HIM WITH ME.   
> i'd do anything for that boy. 
> 
> <3
> 
> \- comment or kudos to make my day! [mushydesserts.tumblr.com](https://mushydesserts.tumblr.com/) :)


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